When summer holidays turn complicated.
Some expat parents face a difficult dilemma: what happens if you decide not to return abroad after the summer holidays with your children? Could that be considered international child abduction?
This article explores what the The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction(1980) means in practice, what the legal consequences can be, and how mediation can help parents find fair, balanced solutions without ending up in stressful court proceedings.
Through the story of Lucia and Peter, you’ll see how complex these situations can be and how understanding, dialogue, and professional guidance can make all the difference.
International Child Abduction
Is it considered child abduction if you decide to stay in your home country with your children after the summer holidays?
This is a question an expat who is thinking about divorce might ask her/himself : If I stay in my home country with the children after the vacation, instead of returning to the Netherlands, what are the consequences? What happens then? And, would this count as international child abduction?
It’s important to know that you cannot simply stay in your home country with your children without the other parent’s permission.
In such a situation, the The Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction (1980) applies. If one parent considers it to be abduction, he or she can take the matter to Dutch court and request that the children be returned to the Netherlands, the country where the family had their habitual residence.
Below, I would like to outline a situation that occurred in my practice (all names have been anonymised.
Summer holidays in Spain
They had been living in the Netherlands for five years now, and she felt so incredibly lonely. He was never around. He worked fifteen hours a day, and it seemed as though the children—and she herself—no longer mattered to him at all.
All of her friends from the previous year had gone back to their home countries; she had stayed behind, but no new friendships had formed since then.
During the summer of 2024, as she did every year, she travelled back to Spain with the children to spend the holidays at their home in Barcelona. Once she was there, surrounded by her family and friends, she felt one thing above all: she wanted to stay.
Never go back to Eindhoven again!
She phoned my office and asked what she should do. She was desperate, and she never wanted to return.
I explained that she couldn’t simply decide on her own to stay in Spain with the children.
When both parents share parental authority, they make joint decisions about the children’s primary place of residence. This means you need the other parent’s consent if you want to (re)move to Spain with the children. If she didn’t return to Eindhoven, Peter could go to court, claiming that there had been an act of international child abduction.
What Is International Child Abduction?
If you take your child abroad—or don’t return after a holiday—this may be considered international child abduction.
According to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction (1980), a case of international child abduction occurs when a child is taken from their habitual residence to another country, or kept there, without the consent of the other parent who has legal authority over where the child lives.
It’s important to note that this applies only to children under the age of 16. In the Netherlands, a parent has authority over the child’s place of residence if they have parental custody. This can vary in other countries.
In short, child abduction occurs when one parent takes a child abroad without the permission of the other parent who also holds parental authority.
What are the possible consequences of child abduction?
The consequences can be serious
1. Return of the children to their country of habitual residence
The parent who has been left behind can immediately contact the so-called Central Authority in the Netherlands and file a request for the children’s return. The Central Authority will then urgently ask you to cooperate in the voluntary return of the children to the Netherlands.
If you refuse, the left-behind parent can start legal proceedings in the Netherlands.
The goal of the The Hague Child Abduction Convention is to ensure that a child is returned as quickly as possible to the country from which they were taken. Dutch courts interpret this treaty very strictly: judges are required to order the return of the child unless one of the few exceptions (called “grounds for refusal”) can successfully be proven. These exceptions are rarely accepted.
2. Criminal Prosecution / Custody Transfer to the Other Parent
In addition to a return request and a possible court case, you may also face criminal prosecution, since child abduction (removing a child from parental authority, Article 279 of the Dutch Penal Code) is a criminal offense in the Netherlands—and in many other countries as well. Furthermore, the other parent may also be granted daily care and/or custody of the children.
What can you do if you really don’t want to go back?
If you truly don’t want to return, get in touch with the other parent as soon as possible and try to find a solution together.
If having that conversation feels impossible without neutral support—which is completely understandable—you can choose mediation.
During mediation, I help both parents express their real wishes and interests and make sure each of you feels heard, both emotionally and practically. This allows you to make thoughtful decisions together—decisions that take into account what’s best for you as parents, and above all, what’s best for your children.
This way, you can avoid getting caught up in stressful legal proceedings about “child abduction,” with all the serious consequences that such a process can bring.
Instead, through mediation, you can reach fair and well-balanced agreements that work for everyone involved.
What happened next with Lucia and Peter
Fortunately, things never reached the point where Peter took the matter to a Dutch court.
Lucia and Peter decided to start a mediation process with me. Granting permission to move, especially to another country, with the children is a deeply emotional and complex issue for everyone involved.
Eventually, Peter gave his consent, and Lucia stayed in their home in Barcelona with the children after the summer holidays. They weren’t ready to give up on each other just yet…
Six months later, Peter also moved back to Spain. He missed them too much. Lucia and Peter recently went to see a marriage therapist. They didn’t want to separate, but they did want help in finding their way back to each other.
The children are now completely settled in Barcelona. It’s wonderful to know that I was able to support them and their parents during that difficult period in the summer of 2024.
Mediation instead of going to court
Through mediation, despite all the emotions and complexity on both sides, parents can, with the help of a neutral mediator, calmly and fairly discuss what arrangements can be made to find a solution that works for everyone.
Free consultation by phone, every Monday
Do you have questions on moving with the children. Don’t hesitate to get in touch. Every Monday you can call me for a brief consultation between 13:00 – 17:00 (Amsterdam time). We will talk about your situation and see how I can help you.
Bel: 00 31 6 55 22 94 22